I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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