he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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