I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
