Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
