i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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