low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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