Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh god it's open bar.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
