Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
