theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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