it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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