Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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