No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
