I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
