i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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