1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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