This girl is more easily done than said...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
