he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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