God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
