i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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