I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
