I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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