U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dicks are not precious.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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