It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
