he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
