What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
