my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
