Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
