I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
