In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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