I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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