Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
