she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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