I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
