Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
