He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
