So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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