If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
