he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
