My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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