If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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