You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
