dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
