I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
