my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
