I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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