I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
