Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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