I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
