I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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