i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
