I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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