I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
