Your dad touched me again.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
