I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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