I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
